Yonanas, a gadget worth the counter space

When we first got a huge box from my mother-in-law around the holidays, I approached it with trepidation. She likes buying us kitchenware. And we’re already so short on storage space that things pop out and attack us when we open our cabinets.

Turns out it was the Yonanas machine, a phallic-looking gadget that turns frozen bananas into something akin to soft serve. Yonanas isn’t a juicer, but it’s designed specifically for creating banana magic. (Shockingly, Yonanas did not sponsor this blog post, and Michelle Obama is not the national spokeswoman.)

On Pie V. Cake we’ve extolled the virtues of Annie’s Banannies before in this review. You may have come across something similar at Chicken Out, with their Going Bananas product.  Here’s the clincher: it’s just a frozen banana, but it tastes creamy like dairy.

The other cool part is the show. Watching the machine go to work is half the fun. At first, it spits out a few shards of frozen banana. That had us worried. But by the time the second banana’s in the machine, it’s at the soft-serve-texture stage.

The cool part of having your own machine is you can add other fruit into the mix. Here we tried frozen blueberries. We’ve also done pineapple. One thing to note is that you always need plenty of bananas for your base, because you don’t get the creamy texture from the other fruits. Another tip: give your bananas plenty of time to freeze. Put them in at least a day ahead. When you want to impress dinner guests, it kind of ruins things if they have to stick around a few hours waiting for flaccid bananas to harden.

Emporio Rulli’s $53, 2.5 lb chocolate panettone

Emporio Rulli’s panettone makes Giada di Laurentiis foam at the mouth, so you figure it’s got to be good (Italian + trained pastry chef = knows delicious when she tastes it). I’ve never tried Rulli’s version because the shipping ($31) costs more than the actual panettone ($18.50). Also, I can get an awesome one from Trader Joe’s for $4.99—somehow I doubt the Rulli one tastes 10x better.

But but but—I’ve been really curious to try this chocolate version Rulli makes for Gilt Taste (a site that carries a lot of fancy foodstuffs you’d be happy to gift, but feel guilty buying for yourself). I’ve never seen a chocolate panettone in the stores. And maybe I’m just a sucker for good storytelling, but how can you not want to try it after reading this description? Anyway, the $53 price tag has always held me back from hitting the “buy” button. However, Gilt recently offered a 50% off voucher for everything on Gilt Taste. So I finally caved and ordered the 2.5 chocolate-butter behemoth on Cyber Monday—the 5-cent shipping special was the clincher.

If you haven’t tried panettone, you’ve probably at least seen it on grocery store shelves this time of year. It usually comes in a square box or foil/cellophane wrapping. From the images, it resembles a cousin of fruitbread. Don’t start hating yet, though. Panettone is closer to a buttery bread, like brioche, with small pieces of preserved fruit. I’m not a fruitbread eater (and personally don’t know any under the age of 50 who is), but I could eat light, fluffy panettone year-round. Preferred serving style: toasted with a bit of butter.

Anyway, the Rulli panettone came in the mail beautifully packaged (that’s why these things make good gifts—no additional wrapping needed). It almost made me sad to ruin the wonderful presentation by opening it.

The panettone is “iced” with almond paste, white sprinkles atop. Chocolate and orange peel bits stud the fluffy, bready innards.

Given the way I’d hyped this up in my head, it couldn’t nearly taste as good as I’d hoped. Its main failing is that it’s just not chocolate-y enough. That could easily be solved with bigger chocolate chips. Also, just because you bake something with a buttload of butter doesn’t guarantee moistness (vegetable oil does a much better job). Panettones are actually somewhat dry, as was this one. Orange-chocolate fans will like this, but again, I’d brainwashed myself into thinking that it’d be a much more sublime experience.

In sum: when I think about how many Trader Joe’s panettones I can get for the same price, I can’t justify getting Rulli’s again, even at half price.

Free cupcakes all day at Georgetown Cupcake Friday, 2/25

To coincide with the premiere of their second season of “DC Cupcakes,”* Georgetown Cupcake is giving away free cupcakes all day tomorrow, February 25, at both the Bethesda and Georgetown locations. (The sisters mentioned the giveaway in the last 5 seconds of this video.)

If you’d prefer not to stand for hours in the rain for a free cupcake smaller than your fist, do an online pre-order. You’ll probably be bitched out by people who don’t realize you can legitimately bypass the line to pick up your order. Remember, it’s likely that they’re sugar-starved maniacs who consider Georgetown Cupcake up there with the Lincoln Monument and National Air & Space Museum. Don’t let it get to you.

*The sisters’ endearingly gap-toothed and incompetent Mommy keeps me watching, but most of my friends consider the show one of the most contrived reality crapfests they’ve ever seen. To each her own!

Pants for stuffing your pie or cakehole

Appropriately named “gluttony pants,” these enable you to gorge without that uncomfortably tight feeling afterwards. They’re also whole lot classier than anything with an elastic waistband. I wish more pants came with three “settings.”

Via Betabrand

August’s flavors at Georgetown Cupcake: ginger peach & cherry cheesecake

"Ginger" peach (L) & cherry cheesecake (R)

When I saw that ginger peach was one of the August flavors, I had to try it. It’s a cake studded with peaches topped with ginger icing. Sounds delicious, right?

But tasting this made me want to cry a la Clara Peller, “Where’s the ginger?” I was expecting a ginger bite, or at least a whisper, but the icing had less gingeriness than Ginger Ale.

The cherry cheesecake delivered more satisfaction, luckily. I was digging the thick graham-cracker bottom, which stayed crispy despite the sogginess of the mascarpone-based cheesecake (tasty but overly moist). The cream cheese icing seemed to put this one over the top, given the richness of the cake. But as they say when it comes to icing, you can always scrape some off, but you can’t put more on.

The lines at the Georgetown location have been insane since their TLC show aired. I ordered ahead online and was in and out within 3 minutes. Just tell the cupcake bouncer at that you’ve got a pickup order, go straight to the counter, and you’re done. The payment process is all done online.

Chocolate-covered bacon 2.0

Party in your mouth? A cross-section of the chicharron chocolate bar with pork rinds.

Does hearing the words “chocolate-covered bacon” make you yawn? Then maybe it’s time to try the chicharron chocolate bar made with pork rinds from Xocolatl de David, if you can get a hold of one. These are hard to come by because they were made in limited quantities. (Food Network magazine describes the flavor as Nestle Crunch with a bacony twist.) But the Xocolatl de David online store did have a Raleigh Bar with bacon caramel on top of pecan chocolate nougat that you can order.

Via yumsugar.com

Butch Bakery’s cupcakes will put hair on your chest

The company founder wanted to make manly cupcakes for manly men. But that’s like creating a manly doily. You can’t change something that’s inherently girlish, even when you butch up your product with flavors infused with beer and bacon. (Most of his customers are indeed female.) As my coworker pointed out, your guy isn’t going to swing by the cupcakery to pick up a six-pack on the way to the poker game.

Ranting aside, with flavors like rum-soaked lime cake with mint white-chocolate ganache (the “Mojito”), I’m glad they found this “gap” in the market. The chocolate discs are a nice touch, too, although the army print on a cupcake seems kinda like a Brody Jenner-Avril Lavigne hookup, as in, huh?

Currently they only deliver to Manhattan, Queens, and Brooklyn, with plans to offer nationwide delivery eventually.

Georgetown Cupcake’s orange blossom

This is a seasonal flavor for June. Since I’m a sucker for desserts made with orange blossom water, I bought two. But after trying it, I couldn’t actually tell whether there was any orange blossom water in here (not that they claimed there was–I was going off of the name).

A cream cheese frosting may have worked better than the buttercream. I actually had to scrape some off. It had a buttery heaviness that reminded me of the box of lard my mom had in the pantry, circa 1980.

The zest dotting both the frosting and cake give this cupcake a decent citrus flavor. And I loved the candied orange peel topping it off. But after it leaves in July, I’m not sure how many folks will be missing it.

Cuisine Solutions orange souffles

We’ve been on a Cuisine Solutions kick lately, after learning that Citronelle’s Michel Richard gets his braised shortribs from this company (isn’t that cheating?). For their meats, they use a special sous vide cooking process, where food is cooked at a low temperature for a long time to preserve its texture, flavor, etc.

This box of souffles is not cheap at $34.99 including S&H from Costco’s website (we haven’t seen these in their stores). With 4 souffles per box, you’re totally paying fancy-restaurant rates for dessert–only you have to heat it up yourself! (Correction, June 14: You actually get 8 for that price.)

These souffles cook in the oven in about 15 minutes. I enjoyed the marshmallowy texture, complemented by a sugar-cookie base.

But the orange coulis. What a letdown. It reminded me of the canisters of frozen Minute Maid concentrate that my mom bought when we were kids. Didn’t taste fresh–I probably could have done better by juicing and zesting some navel oranges, reducing the liquid over the stove with a bit of sugar.

Stuff your face with cookies while doing good

Baking for Good lets you do just that, since 15% of proceeds go to the cause of your choice. Word is that their baked goods are very tasty. I’m particularly intrigued by the lemon and lavender shortbreads (below). They also do brownies, whoopie pies, rice treats and more, chock full of organic ingredients. Get your order in for the holidays!