Open letter to Owen Wilson

I’d like to volunteer to nurse you back to health.

I will feed you tiny cupcakes topped with buttercream made with the finest butter imported from France. The frosting will be shaped in perfectly formed rosettes of pink, yellow and lavender. You can have sprinkles if you’d like, too. Just tell me what flavor, mon amor.

The deliciousness will be enough for anyone, even an A-list star, to forget their woes.

Or do you prefer pie? We can arrange for that, too.

As you eat, I will stroke the bump on your nose and remind you how good-looking, talented and funny you are.

You won’t miss your drugs or Kate a bit.

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